It doesn’t matter where you come from, it matters where you are going.
Walk everywhere, see everything, and create stories.
The subtext of seduction
Desire turns me into a relentless hunter for clues, a romantic paranoiac, reading meaning into everything. But whatever my impatience with the rituals of seduction, I am aware that the enigma lent him a distinctive appeal. The most attractive are not those who allow us to kiss them at once (we soon feel ungrateful) or those who never allow us to kiss them (we soon forget them), but those who know how to carefully administer varied doses of hope and despair.
The game of hesitancy and seduction is only fun when hearts meet at equal expectation. Is it sad, if one enters a relationship wanting a fling and the other real love and doesn’t even know what it means to him? Or it is part of the game?
— On Love
愛人，是道習題
愛人，是一道習題。
可惜的是，我們沒有練習的機會，而這也許是它的美好之處。
愛你與否，是我的事。你就算不愛我，那是也你的事。一念之間我瞭解到事實果真如此，是的，這會讓我很傷心，但我會繼續做好我自己。若連我都不愛我自己，別人對我的愛都不過是虛假的意念。
我知道這沒什麼實質上的意義，但是請你千萬記得，我曾經很愛很愛你。你的出現，讓我不曾期望的美好發生了。當你失意的時候，請你記得這一點，你很值得被一個人愛。也許下週，也許一個月後，甚至若干年後，我便會理解愛過就會存在，而愛人變成我們的能力，也是一種回憶。不會因為對方遠去，愛就需要被徹底否定。
念舊的人有情，回憶成了一道有刻痕的傷口，但經過了雕塑的過程我才有了機會去懂得愛。
我將懷念的
抱一抱 ，再好好覺悟不能長久
再吻一次，讓我們分別的像對戀人
為了成長的我們 忽爾間說散就散
目送你的火車離站
我擒著淚水，對自己發誓要更勇敢
赫然明白，有些故事 不必說給每個人聽
在朋友懷中，我想到你，希望你哭泣時候也有個人借你他的肩膀讓你淚流
我的浪漫 沒那麼簡單就能去愛，與你相遇 卻讓我內心波瀾萬丈
別的全不看
轟轟烈烈後才知道 兩個人的幸福沒有那麼容易
愛多麼讓人著迷，只願我能再愛你更久
那什麼都不懂的年紀 曾經最掏心 所以最開心 曾經
不過是昨天
Protected: Drinking problem
Ten years of time
I woke up in an unfamiliar room, oh, it was my new hotel room. For the first time since a month, you were not on my mind when I opened my eyes. Though you soon flashed through my feeble morning mind, I still celebrated with the left over bottle of wine from last night.
Last night, I sang with two partners in crime. We were strangers almost a week ago, and we sang in a closed room until 3am. Shenzhen was still alive at 3am on a Tuesday, and we laughed with our last bit of voice on the street where we will probably never cross together again.
She sang a song for me, a song that my sister sang for me when my teenage love left me. The same song, ten years of time came back to my mind like waves of strong current. Her voice took me back to ten years ago, but her smile reminds me of her love at the moment. I hugged her tight, the smell of red wine and apple juice for children merged. I am no different, because I still hurt for love. I am different, because I can now face this pain with laughter.
她對我唱：
“沒有人能把誰的幸福沒收
你發誓你會活得有笑容
你自信時候真的美多了。”
He sat on the side, and knew nothing until the moment. He still made me laugh and sang beautifully as a gift for me. His voice took me to another place, and it didn’t remind me of how wonderfully the other he sings. Ah, how he loves to sing, and I took pleasure in such unfamiliar space with strangers, strangers only a week ago.
We went back to our rooms, we slept in dizziness and fading songs.
We woke up in darkness shielded by heavy curtains, but for the first time in many weeks, I wish to see the first beam of morning light before my alarm rouses me from infitine dreams.
When pain is the norm
When curtains are close and the light dims in my room
I come home, worn to the bones
I tell myself, “sleep could escape again”
I glance at my mini wine bar
Resisting my feeble brain against the strong urge
Sometimes I win and sometimes I lose
Oh I know that this love is a pain
But we can’t cut it from out these veins
Walk away, run away if you could
They say love is a pain, well darling, I wish I could hold you tight
But I won’t, because it doesn’t hurt you but only me
When curtains are close and the light dims in your room
You come home, worn to the bones
Do you tell yourself, “sleep could escape again”
Oh, do you know that I am feeling insane
Tell me something that overpowers my sanity for you
I’ll hit the lights and please do not lock the door
Just walk away, or run away if you could
They say love is a pain, well darling, I wish I could hold you tight
Like we used to, how we used to
There is no more before
Because now pain is the norm
If this love is a pain
Let us love
24
I was 23 just one second ago, and for some silly way of counting ‘age’ I am officially 24 starting from this very moment. I have exactly 356 days to be 24 years old, which means absolutely nothing by itself.
I accidentally saw a picture of Paris I posted two years ago, and you welcomed me to return to the city where we fell in love. Now I will return to it without you, and maybe forever with you. Frankly, I still love this city, in the very same way with and without you. Memories of us only topped my love with some expired frosting, which would be difficult to remove.
I won’t remove memories of us from my coming 356 days of my 24th years, because in the broadest sense of human feelings, you have changed me, and it is my decision on how to change myself. You are no magician, except for introducing me to romantic love, and now you are someone who have fallen out of love with me. May we both find someone else we deserve, whom we truly deserve.
It is another year full of joy, challenges, and love of all kinds. I look no further than giving more love to the world around me, and share every nice bottle of wine with the ones I love. You were almost everything in my life, but I will learn to own my world without you.
I have loved you, I have loved you like no one else in my life. May the best of your today be the worst of your tomorrows. May you own each moment to the next, and may you never lose that bright smile on your face. My love —
— to be continued
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