I was unprepared
unprepared for the sudden lost of joy
unprepared for the feeling of lost
unprepared for the feeling of being misplaced
I was prepared
prepared for my departure
prepared to return elsewhere
prepared to leave a piece of me here
I am not whom I thought I would be after all these preparations and unexpectedness, at least I am not thinking the way I thought I would be thinking. I am not acting too differently, though, but that is just when I am occupying myself with drives to go somewhere else. I feel misplaced, but I am not sure anymore if I am in denial or indulgence.
Many emotions in my head are reverse from what I thought I would be having. Piles of paper scrambled on my desk and I stare at them, motionless. This is only a few minutes of my day, but significant enough for me to notice my changes. I don’t even know where to start on finding myself back, because I was unprepared for losing myself in the process of returning to where I was quite happy to be. What went wrong? I love changes, and I love how they stimulate my thoughts and joy. So what went wrong?
Nothing, nothing went wrong. I am still myself.
I still look for the first beam of sunrise
I still move hidden nuts of squirrels as a prank
I still look forward to the first snow in this beautiful town
I discover surprises on my way home
I capture fleeting moments that catch my eyes
I write, I draw, I film, I run, I laugh
I am here for a little while, and every living moment is a miracle.
I am ready for my next venture, to see somewhere, somewhere in this beautiful world.