Still Myself

I was unprepared

unprepared for the sudden lost of joy

unprepared for the feeling of lost

unprepared for the feeling of being misplaced

I was prepared

prepared for my departure

prepared to return elsewhere

prepared to leave a piece of me here

 

I am not whom I thought I would be after all these preparations and unexpectedness, at least I am not thinking the way I thought I would be thinking. I am not acting too differently, though, but that is just when I am occupying myself with drives to go somewhere else. I feel misplaced, but I am not sure anymore if I am in denial or indulgence.

Many emotions in my head are reverse from what I thought I would be having. Piles of paper scrambled on my desk and I stare at them, motionless. This is only a few minutes of my day, but significant enough for me to notice my changes. I don’t even know where to start on finding myself back, because I was unprepared for losing myself in the process of returning to where I was quite happy to be. What went wrong? I love changes, and I love how they stimulate my thoughts and joy. So what went wrong?

 

Nothing, nothing went wrong. I am still myself.

I still look for the first beam of sunrise

I still move hidden nuts of squirrels as a prank

I still look forward to the first snow in this beautiful town

I discover surprises on my way home

I capture fleeting moments that catch my eyes

I write, I draw, I film, I run, I laugh

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I am here for a little while, and every living moment is a miracle.

I am ready for my next venture, to see somewhere, somewhere in this beautiful world.

 

 

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